“I think Rand is still on the floor of my bedroom. I mean in some way. I know he didn’t die there. He got up after a couple of minutes, and left. But I think he’d come there if he could go anywhere. That’s the Franks’ big idea, or their excuse. The dead don’t want to be dead, and they only give a shit about life. When I got back to my bedroom last night, I thought a lot about Rand, then decided. I killed the boy because I can’t kill myself. That’s why I hit him so hard. I realize he isn’t Jim. When I get that upset, it doesn’t take much to remind me.”—Dennis Cooper, My loose thread
“In my house.
(Pause. With prophetic relish.)
One day you’ll be blind like me. You’ll be sitting here, a speck in the void, in the dark, forever, like me.
One day you’ll say to yourself, I’m tired, I’ll sit down, and you’ll go and sit down. Then you’ll say, I’m hungry, I’ll get up and get something to eat. But you won’t get up. You’ll say, I shouldn’t have sat down, but since I have I’ll sit on a little longer, then I’ll get up and get something to eat. But you won’t get up and you won’t get anything to eat.
You’ll look at the wall a while, then you’ll say, I’ll close my eyes, perhaps have a little sleep, after that I’ll feel better, and you’ll close them. And when you open them again there’ll be no wall any more.
Infinite emptiness will be all around you, all the resurrected dead of all the ages wouldn’t fill it, and there you’ll be like a little bit of grit in the middle of the steppe.
Yes, one day you’ll know what it is, you’ll be like me, except that you won’t have anyone with you, because you won’t have had pity on anyone and because there won’t be anyone left to have pity on you.
(Pause.)”—Samuel Beckett, Endgame.